tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86613619713078640342024-02-22T01:29:00.469-05:00Common Sense of a Woman ScientistNavigating Academia and Life After Graduate SchoolImage Goddesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03034155463359046876noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8661361971307864034.post-6343797318077567252011-10-15T12:47:00.000-04:002011-10-15T12:47:50.054-04:00Office Baby Showers Are BadBe warned, this is a venting post.<br />
<br />
People are popping out babies at a ridiculous rate around here. Which is fine, as long as it's not me. Don't get me wrong, I love kids. I just want to be able to send them home when I'm done; I'll be the BEST Aunt in the world. My furry family keeps me busy enough (not to mention the Fiance who can be like a kid). <br />
<br />
For the latest pregnancy, a coworker decided to have a baby shower for her. Here's the thing, I don't want to go. I know her only to say "Hi, how are you doing?" in the hallway. I don't even know if she has other kids. I think invitations like that are inappropriate and not to mention rude to the people who had babies the past two years and didn't get a baby shower at work. If I was one of those people who didn't get one I'd be hurt. I also don't like that they made a point to state (more than once I might add) where this woman registered. Not to mention she's worked here a little over a year and two of the women who didn't get one have worked here for many years.<br />
<br />
I apologize to those who think baby showers at work are fine, but I'm entitled to my opinion. Just because people get along at work and are friendly doesn't mean they're really friends, and for me baby showers are for friends and family. I don't like them at work. After trying to find a legitimate way to get out of this one, well, I've decided to lie. I'm not proud of it, but it's better than being in an awkward situation for over an hour. And spending money on someone I don't really care about. I have better things to do with my sparse money. Like spend it on my furry family, which just got bigger. I'm going to have a meeting in another building (code for I'm going out to have lunch and hide).Image Goddesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03034155463359046876noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8661361971307864034.post-82503398282124788812011-03-18T15:35:00.000-04:002011-03-18T15:35:55.586-04:00Engaged . . . . AgainWe've been through a lot, fiance and I. We've been together 14 years now. Engaged for a little more than 10 of those 14 years. Life happened and we were in a really bad place for many, many years. That's why we never went beyond the engagement part. I refused to get married to fix a problem, the problem gets fixed first, however I was committed to the relationship because I knew what was possible. A few of you know the back story, but to sum it all up for those of who don't, after a lot of pain I realized last year I had to leave. We were hurting each other and it wouldn't get any better. But then something amazing happened - S went into treatment and now is just over 5 months sober. He's been doing what he needs to do and I've been doing what I need to do, and it's coming together much faster than I ever thought it would. He's put his whole being into making this work and he's serious this time.<br />
<br />
Before I explain what he did the other day, let me start with a nightmare I started to have a few years ago so you understand the impact of what recently happened. When he would drink he would often talk of getting me another ring. The one I had was "tarnished" and it had been taken off at the lowest points. I used to worry that someday when he'd be drinking he'd go out and buy a ring. So I'd often think about if he'd ask me right now, this very point in time, to marry him again what would I say? And I knew I'd say no. I used to dream it would happen and I'd say no.<br />
<br />
But our lives are so different now. We've talked about how we're getting to know each other again. We've been through so much we aren't the same people we were 14 years ago. But it's working. About a month ago things started to really change for me. It's hard to explain because it's all about peace, trust, and my emotional state. I <em>feel</em> better than I have in a really, really long time. I'd forgotten how it felt to be like this because I've been in such a hostile, deteriorating situation for so long.<br />
<br />
Monday he asked me to marry him again. He got down on one knee and pulled out a ring. It was amazing, not just the ring but everything. I instantly started to cry, and I mean a sobbing cry not a pretty cry. So many emotions hit me at one time. He was worried and asked me if I was saying yes. I did. He then assured me that he didn't charge it or borrow money. It was all his and paid for. Which for him is a big deal. He wanted this to be a fresh start for us. I now have a ring I can look at and there are absolutely no bad associations with it. <br />
<br />
I didn't need a new ring, but in all honesty this one means more to me than the first one. There is so much more behind it, so much more emotion and meaning. He did it all by himself. And it's perfect. It's a promise of the good times to come.<br />
<br />
I'm so giddy I feel like this is the first time I've ever been engaged. It truly is a new start. And I can finally let myself think about planning a wedding. After all these years we're finally moving forward.Image Goddesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03034155463359046876noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8661361971307864034.post-44706618796730493792011-03-14T11:24:00.000-04:002011-03-14T11:24:11.985-04:00Blazing Your Own TrailI made a guest post here <a href="http://www.labspaces.net/blog/1251/Blazing_your_own_trail">http://www.labspaces.net/blog/1251/Blazing_your_own_trail</a>.Image Goddesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03034155463359046876noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8661361971307864034.post-46543424363611664452011-03-13T21:28:00.000-04:002011-03-13T21:28:39.147-04:00Theoretically...Wait, I Meant HypotheticallyI think this post is just going to enhance my image as a science geek. But this has really, really been bothering me lately, and I <em>know</em> I can't be the only person. <br />
<br />
Lately I've heard the word 'theoretically' thrown around. Some of these people have no science background so I can forgive them. Other people have no such excuse. Theoretically this, theoretically that. Blah, blah, blah.<br />
<br />
Hey people - what you're talking about has nothing to do with a THEORY. <br />
<br />
Let me elaborate for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about. To understand what a theory is, let's start with a hypothesis. A hypothesis is an educated guess based on observations and can be proven or disproven using well designed experiments. In other words, it may or may not be true but it's what you <em>think</em> will probably happen. In contrast, a theory is an explanation of a related observations from proven hypotheses verified multiple times by independent groups of researchers. In other words, a theory is generally accepted as having been proven and is true.<br />
<br />
Do you see the difference? A hypothesis is <em>maybe</em> true, and a theory is <em>accepted</em> as true. <br />
<br />
Now to those of you who know better - tossing this word around in an informal, conversational way, only serves to confuse the general public when you're trying to get them to understand science. Hypothetically and theoretically are NOT interchangeable. They mean very different things and shouldn't be used interchangeably. If we want people to understand science and understand what <em>may</em> be true and what is <em>accepted</em> as true we have to be consistent. Science is becoming a major component in the average person's life. We see more science based stories on the news and the media, or even your neighbor, may asks you about this or that study they heard about. They need to understand when they hear something is "just a theory" it doesn't mean it's a guess and unproven - it in fact means the opposite.<br />
<br />
So for those of us who are involved in educating the public on science - <em>please</em> pay attention to what you say. Theoretically is not the same as hypothetically.<br />
<br />
Thank you!Image Goddesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03034155463359046876noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8661361971307864034.post-64233960300335884902011-03-06T15:15:00.000-05:002011-03-06T15:15:12.149-05:00Grading AdviceI have a question for my blogiverse and twitter peeps out there. I'm currently grading papers which, first of all, are over due on my end because of the down time of OnlineU. But here's my question and keep in mind that more one student did this. I made the instructions of the assignment very clear on what the topic needed to be. This is my problem - some students wrote excellent papers, but on the WRONG topic. Normally I would tell them to do it over, but because of all the technical problems they're already well into their next assignment. I shouldn't hold it against them because of the technical issues and I don't want their current projects to be poor because they're trying to redo a past one.<br />
<br />
I don't know how lenient I should be given the circumstances. Do I drop the papers a letter grade? More? These are really good papers, would have been an A if written about the right topic. How do other people handle it? I know these particular students are hard workers and obviously spent a lot of time on their papers.<br />
<br />
Advise and opinions are greatly appreciated!Image Goddesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03034155463359046876noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8661361971307864034.post-45455434334897715442011-03-05T20:54:00.001-05:002011-03-05T20:54:58.222-05:00It's Good When It WorksI love my OnlineU job. Absolutely, head-over-heals love it. But it's by no way perfect. You know how technology is great when it works? Well, this week it didn't. They upgraded to a new platform. It wasn't just the online classes but for the entire university. The university has a lot of ground locations; I just call it OnlineU because that's the part I'm teaching in. <br />
<br />
I, along with several other faculty, was locked out of my class for several days. It was horrible timing, even though no timing would have been good. It overlapped when grades were due, the end of one unit, and the beginning of another. I could get into my live seminar but there was no audio and no presentation ability. Thank God for a rare moment of quick thinking on my part (patting myself on the back). I emailed my students the presentation and we walked through it and I taught via the chat function. We didn't cover everything I wanted but at least they got something out of it. So ever since I gained access I've been catching up on my discussion board posts and grading. Lots and lots of grading because I'm teaching two classes. My butt is sore, my muscles are stiff, and my back aches. I'd probably be done by now but I'm kind of obsessive in the feedback I give my students. I want them to know everything they did right, what they did wrong, and how they can fix it. Unfortunately, this is taking <em>forever.</em><br />
<br />
OK, venting over, I just needed a break. Back to grading!Image Goddesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03034155463359046876noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8661361971307864034.post-18069825550858689712011-02-27T17:34:00.000-05:002011-02-27T17:34:33.120-05:00Back from the ConferenceThis past week I was down south for a conference. Lately I've been going to the same state every few months. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like it, I would just like to visit new places because I don't get to travel a lot. Conferences are my chance to see new places. At least it was in the 70s when back here at home it was snowing. Anyway, I was down south, left Tuesday came back Friday evening.<br />
<br />
I look forward to this one every year. It's stuff I'm really interested in and the hardest part about it is choosing which session to go to because there are so many concurrent sessions. There were some I had to attend because they were presentations for The Grant. It was exciting to see how many people came. It's really, really good for us since our funders were also there and we are having our mid-year program evaluation this year. During the day the sessions were great, including the plenary sessions. Lunch and breakfast were lousy. I wish they hadn't provided it because then we could buy what we wanted and get reimbursed. The plenary sessions had extremely high-ranked government officials in our field. They all talked about the "elephant in the room" - funding. Our particular field is getting cut, dramatically in the new proposed budget. I think it's a threat to national security and local preparedness measures but it looks like it's going to be a fact. It sucks and I try not to think about it. Not sure what I'm going to do when The Grant runs out.<br />
<br />
The evenings were fun. The first night I just stayed in my hotel room and got room service. I got in during the evening, then we had a networking session but I had to teach my seminar. I went back to the hotel room and taught my class. The next day was great. After the last session and a reception Frazzle (a PI on the grant who's hair is always frazzled) and Lawset (PI on The Grant also) went out to dinner at an Asian place, I had soup and sushi. It was fantastic. The conversations the three of got into, well, sometimes I just had to sit in listen in disbelief. We discussed:<br />
<ul><li>Death. Frazzle wanted our opinion on a show idea he had. He wants to make a show about death. All aspects about death. He had obviously put a lot of thought into it so I did my best not to laugh. He wanted to start with a radio show and move into television. </li>
<li>Spirituality and Religion. Lawset started us talking about spirituality and religion. What we believed; what we think happens when we die; what about reincarnation. </li>
<li>Dream jobs. What would we love to do if we could do anything. I shocked them all when I said I'd become a vet if I was guaranteed a job working with tigers. Talked about shocked expressions. </li>
<li>Codependents. Frazzle has a sister who he says is crazy. He means it. He's an MD and they've apparently had problems with her most of her life. Right now she's not speaking to the family. Her partner is making things worse even though she thinks she's helping her. Frazzle made the comment that she is an out of control codependent and there's no hope for her. </li>
</ul>Codependents are crazy too. That's what he said. That really stopped me. I just looked at him and said there is hope, there are different levels of codependency, and people can heal but it's a process. Frazzle and Lawset just looked at me. Of course they wanted to know why I said that. I've know them for years, especially Frazzle. And I know they have a high respect for me so they would often listen to what I had to say. Therefore, I told the truth. If me talking about it helps someone else, even if it's helping them by helping other people understand - I'll talk. I just looked at them and said "I'm a recovering codependent." Then we had an honest discussion about how hard it is, the process of healing and separating, and how it's not easy but also not hopeless. I said S was a recovering alcoholic. Lawset just looked at me said "That explains a lot." That sounds harsh when I type it but it wasn't, it was said in a kind way - like now she understands why we're not married after being together so long.. Like I said, we had a good discussion of what it's like for a codependent. I think Frazzle needed to hear it. And both of them thanked me for sharing something so personal.<br />
<br />
After dinner Frazzle went back to his room and Lawset and I went to the lounge for some nightcaps. We talked a couple hours more about all sorts of things: education, goals, family, peers, character, priorities, perspectives on life. <br />
<br />
The next night I had pizza from my favorite pizza place which we don't have here at home, did classwork and watched t.v. What people need to understand is that staying in the hotel room and doing nothing is like a mini-vacation for me.<br />
<br />
I thought a lot about the time I spent with my coworkers. I'm very blessed to be where I'm at. I often browse ads, look at jobs, but I hesitate to apply for anything. I have it really good where I'm at right now. My boss likes and trusts me, she encourages me and supports me. My coworkers are usually good to be with, nothing is always perfect. I have flexibility in my job. And I have time to do things in my personal time. I've got it good and it makes me hesitate to move elsewhere.<br />
<br />
But it's back to the grind tomorrow. The downside of the job. Meetings, meetings, meetings. But that occurs most places so it's something I have to do.Image Goddesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03034155463359046876noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8661361971307864034.post-56364710492456023372011-02-05T23:57:00.001-05:002011-02-05T23:57:57.546-05:00Fun at the TheatreLast night S and I went out with Omate and her husband to the theatre. We have season tickets to a local university's productions. They're college students but really, really good. And the tickets are cheap. This one was a comedy. What made this particular one fantastic and created the need for me to blog was one of the characters. He was crazy hillbilly with a scraggly beard, overalls, and a very strong southern twang. When he talked and told stories his eyes got all buggy and crazy looking. He was frickin hilarious. So why did this particular character make my day? He looked like LB. And to picture him ending up like that, well, it gave me perverse satisfaction. Crazy and broke. Sounds mean, but you have to know the situation. I know Geeka understands.<br />
<br />
It was great. And made the show even funnier.Image Goddesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03034155463359046876noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8661361971307864034.post-58787220898612689622011-01-30T22:00:00.001-05:002011-01-30T22:19:46.585-05:00My Condensed Year-In-ReviewI've contemplated doing this post for a while. Mainly, since New Year's when it would have made more sense, not at the end of January. So much has changed. There's been good and bad; emotional ups and downs. But I've been kind of forced to journal lately and it's reminded me how therapeutic writing can be. I want to make time for it - I need to make time for it. So, though I could write a book on this past year I'm going to give brief bulleted highlights. I'm trying to move on and not dwell. I also think I've been away from blogging so long none of my family will read this anymore, unless I tell them I've posted, which I won't. <br />
<ul><li>Sis got married to the right man this time. I cried a lot before her first wedding and not out of happiness. This time I cried out of happiness. He completes her and makes her whole. I have a relationship with my sis I never thought I'd have. We talk now and don't fight. We support each other. I can cry on her shoulder. She's confident enough now with who she is that she isn't defensive all the time which makes it easier to talk. At her wedding the MC came up to me and asked if I would like to give a speech. I hadn't planned it. I had nothing written down, but looked at Sis and said "Sure, why not." So I spoke and brought the room to tears, including myself and sis. It was a speech for BIL (brother-in-law) not so much for Sis. I spoke from the heart, things I've felt for a long time and how he changed both of our lives for the better. I love him for what he's done for her, and me, and for how much he loves her.</li>
<li>Last winter we went through Snowpocalypse. It was ridiculous. I've never seen anything like it, the city was so disorganize and unprepared.</li>
<li>I've been to Atlanta several times this past year. All of the conferences I need to go to seem to be down there all the time. I like Atlanta, don't get me wrong. But part of the fun of traveling is getting to go different places, not the same place every time. And part of the fun of going down south is that it's warmer than up here but every time I've been down there it's had the same weather.</li>
<li>I reached my breaking point last year with Fiance. I've spent a lot of time getting strong enough emotionally to let go of him and our dreams. I no longer could handle the drinking. I wasn't happy, he wasn't happy, we were making each other miserable. It wasn't a good life. I was done. He entered out patient rehab for alcohol abuse in October and finished a couple weeks ago. Today he's been sober 112 days and we're dealing with the aftermath of years of emotional abuse. I'm in therapy and so is he. I've spent so many years pretending everything is OK to the outside world that it's hard to get it out and I need to get it out if we're to have any chance of making it. Hence the journaling I mentioned above. It's an order from my therapist because it's almost impossible for me to verbalize. So, we're working on it one day at a time.</li>
<li>My Omate was hired 50% on my part of the Grant. I had a talk with Boss about my job and how I have way too much admin stuff to do. I'm getting bored with my job. So we hired her to help so I can focus more on the research aspect. We get along fantastic and are great friends. We have complimentary skills, she enjoys the admin part and I enjoy the research part. She keeps me organized.</li>
<li>I got a second job at OnlineU. I always stayed away from online universities but because a couple friends of mine work for different ones I've gained a greater understanding and appreciation. I'm teaching various classes in the biological sciences and the first term just ended last week. I've always enjoyed teaching but I'm honestly surprised at how much I love this venue. I think I'm interacting more with my students in the online arena than in person. For in person classes I may only see my students during class time. For OnlineU I have to interact with them all week long, not just during the synchronous, live, once a week seminar. I really get to know them quickly. I've changed some perceptions about science. I get an amazing feeling of satisfaction teaching them why biology is important in their lives, that it may be hard but they can do it. And to have students tell me they've enjoyed my class, learned a lot, and what they've learned makes a difference in their lives - well, nothing compares to that. My grandma always said I had a God given gift to teach, to get people to understand concepts, to break down complicated things and make them easier to understand. I always thought I did, but now I really believe it. The next term begins next week and I teach two classes this term.</li>
<li>Fiance and I decided to move. We can't stand our landlord and I'm tired of living in the city. It's a nice neighborhood, but it's still in the city. It will make my commute to work longer but it will be worth it. Fiance's will be shorter. We had wanted to rent a house, something stand alone with a yard for gardening however we ended up with a townhouse. I'm actually moving into a place owned by one of my friends. She and her husband wanted to move closer to where they work and they knew S and I were looking. It makes their lives easier because they dont' have to sell it now, and it makes my life easier because I know my landlords and they don't care about my pets. She knows I take care of them, they're behaved and don't do damage. It's great having someone who doesn't care about my pets. We can even get a dog later if we want to.</li>
<li>I got a car and his name is Stewart. I've been told by many people I had to name it and that's what fit. It was my aunts and she finally decided to sell it to me. For super cheap too. That's part of the reason we decided it was a good time to move. I now have a car to commute. Well, it's a small AWD SUV, not a car.</li>
<li>I started Weight Watchers (WW) this past week. I used to do it. I had even lost 43 pounds but then, as happens, life got in the way. Dealing with personal things became more important than tracking what I was eating. I'm a stress eater so it hasn't been good. Now, I'm trying to focus more on myself. </li>
<li>We rescued two black and white dutch bunnies. It was unplanned. My not-so-bright neighbors (and know I'm usually very generous with people but in the case trust me that the statement is well earned) had them but they were neglected and abused. I made up a story and talked them into selling them to me. They are a source of constant entertainment. All they want is to be petted and fed and they're happy. They usually want petted more than they want fed.</li>
<li>I'm still the Project Director for the Grant at the NewCen, though that's not my official title it's what everyone call me and it matches my responsibilities. My responsibilities have grown immensely, hence the need for additional help. I enjoy my job. My boss appreciates me and most of the time I get along with my colleagues. I'm still the only PhD that works here so my position and responsibilities are unique. I've been added to another grant, which I'll call Grant2. I love it and can't wait to get more into the research.</li>
<li>DH and Setta are doing good. DH still takes his heart meds and we're still trying to find cat food that helps both DH's hairball problem and Setts's sensitive stomach. I am so sick of cleaning up vomit.</li>
<li>I've decided to take up crochet. We'll see how it goes. I might be too much of a perfectionist for it to work.</li>
<li>Now that I have a car I can truly be active in my local CART (County Animal Response Team). I'm looking forward to being more and more involved.</li>
</ul>I'm sure there's stuff I've missed but all this is a lot anyway. <br />
<br />
So I'm finally getting my life back together after earning my degree. First, the job. Then when I was OK with work I was mentally prepared to focus on my personal life. Life is getting better in all areas. The future is uncertain. I don't think too far ahead any more. Life is day by day, but I can't complain too much because it's getting better.Image Goddesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03034155463359046876noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8661361971307864034.post-32606411704975865242010-12-09T22:21:00.000-05:002010-12-09T22:21:50.494-05:00Life is ChangingThere's been so many things for me talk about lately that I just haven't talked at all. To be perfectly honest, I haven't had time because of the changes. Twitter has been about it lately and that has been sporadic. I haven't been writing but I haven't been reading either. It's chaotic, exhausting, busy, yet good.<br />
<br />
Fiance is sober. 60 days sober today.<br />
<br />
Life is changing. But life is good and getting better.Image Goddesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03034155463359046876noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8661361971307864034.post-15238816843909912722010-10-04T14:15:00.001-04:002010-10-04T14:15:39.421-04:00Research Coordinators TrainingI'm in Research Coordinators Training right now. Yes, right now. You can see how much I'm paying attention. I started the training with sarcastic tweets. However, I had to slow those down because at the rate I was going the battery on my BB was going to be dead by lunch time. Then lunch rolled around. And I'm no longer pretending to pay attention. I turned my laptop on and that's what I'm using. I know how to do research and I know how to coordinate. I feel like I'm in a remedial class. Did you know specific aims are specific? And a protocol needs to be written so anyone can follow it? Yesiree!! Right now a woman is going through the computer system for submitting stuff for IRB approval. All the buttons you push, the steps you go through on the computer. Let me be clear, <em>every single step in the IRB approval, renewal, modification process</em>. Even if I used this software system - which I don't - I wouldn't remember any of this. I'd have to learn it as I do it. Right now my distraction techniques are keeping me awake - they should be happy I'm only paying 5% attention. Which was enough to enable me to ask one question this afternoon, more than most people here. I promise to update you on this exciting training later today or tomorrow - I have one more day of this.Image Goddesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03034155463359046876noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8661361971307864034.post-3813706416835874042010-08-09T21:57:00.000-04:002010-08-09T21:57:05.521-04:00Missing LabYep. You read that right. Missing lab. There. I said it again. But not for the reasons you probably think at first. Everyone who knows me knows I don't want to work in a lab anymore. Love science, love doing science, just tired of the laboratory bench work. Just not for me right now.<br />
<br />
But I now know, after being away from the lab for almost 2 year, that I was spoiled. Lab supplies are miraculous things. Kimwipes - gentle for cleaning lenses and mirrors, latex gloves - first aid and cleaning, cotton glove liners - great at keeping hands warm when working (just cut off the finger tips), parafilm - so many uses, and clean water - like distilled. Lately I have found myself wanting these things and irritated that I have to pay ridiculous prices at regular stores for it.<br />
<br />
Two items I have needed in particular have been bothering me. I bitch and complain every time I have to take money out my purse to BUY distilled water. It's distilled water for goodness sakes and they're charging me almost 85 cents a gallon. OK, that doesn't sound like much but still, it's water!! And given that my doctor has prescribed those nasal washes twice a day for my VCD I'm using a lot of it. The other thing is latex gloves. I really needed them the other day and it was late so the only place open was Walmart. I couldn't find them so I asked somebody. I walked up to the first employee I saw, who just happened to be someone who I asked for help from about two weeks ago. I cringed inside, this wasn't going to be pretty.<br />
<br />
Image Goddess: "Can you tell me where to find latex gloves?"<br />
<br />
Employee: "Oh, I just started here. They stuck me in this section. I don't really know where things are."<br />
<br />
IG: "Uh...." [Staring at employee, thinking that this was the exact same thing she told me two weeks ago, at the other side of the store in a different section.] <br />
<br />
E: "You mean rubber gloves?"<br />
<br />
IG: "Nooo, latex gloves. They come in a box. [me making a box shape with my hands] They're small. Not large rubber cleaning gloves."<br />
<br />
E: "I'm sorry, I really don't know. They just stuck me here. They might be around here somewhere. Why don't you go ask pharmacy. It's right over there."<br />
<br />
IG: [pausing, staring] "OK, thank you." <br />
<br />
I resigned myself to the fact that I was going to walk up and down every single aisle until I found it. She was directing me to pharmacy which I already knew was closed. I couldn't handle the conversation that was a waste of my time that late at night. After 10 minutes of unsuccessful searching I went to another part of the store to find another employee who at least <em>knew</em> what latex gloves were and she had a general idea where they were so she helped me find them. At this point I'm tired, cranky, and irritated. Once I find the latex gloves my attitude gets worse and I miss lab even more. The cost is ridiculous for one box. One box! And what is this one size fits all crap for latex gloves. That is the most insane thing I've ever heard of. Fiance can't get these on his hands. I have short stubby fingers and they just fit me. One size fits all. Hmpf. <br />
<br />
I guess the moral of this post is I learned my lesson. I'm going to have to order my lab supplies (for home) from somewhere off the Internet. Hopefully I will find a decent price with not-to-bad shipping. Does anybody have any websites they like to shop on for supplies like kimwipes, parafilm, gloves and stuff? For now, I'm just going to have to learn to deal with buying distilled water - but I don't have to like it. And I still might complain now and then, a little.Image Goddesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03034155463359046876noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8661361971307864034.post-88234894943647780422010-08-06T21:15:00.000-04:002010-08-06T21:15:15.825-04:00Virtual FacultyI applied for a part-time faculty position today that's "virtual." I've contemplated doing this for a very long time. I've always had my reservations about online universities - are they legit, will it look bad on my CV, is it really benefiting the students taking the online classes? So many questions. I used to think how could something be taught well if it's only taught online and only people who can't get real faculty positions take online faculty jobs. My eyes are opening though and I believe the world of virtual education might be changing. I think in the past most online degrees were hacks. They almost had to be because the technology just wasn't there to make the educational experience enriching enough for students or enable the kind of interaction between students and professor that there is today. There are countless distance learning programs from legitimate, accredited universities and other learning institutions. I have friends that teach for online universities, or universities that are mostly online, and I see that now. And I'm excited about the prospects. I love my current job but it doesn't involve a lot of teaching which I also love. There's also the fact that Fiance and I are really in need of some extra cash right now. This would be perfect. I'm already on the computer a lot and it's something that I enjoy doing. <br />
<br />
So I applied. I'm excited. I hope to get a call. Or email. Or however they do it. Wish me luck.Image Goddesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03034155463359046876noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8661361971307864034.post-64182413242362380602010-07-14T17:56:00.000-04:002010-07-14T17:56:41.569-04:00Time for my performance reviewI don't like performance reviews. Not at all. Who needs to be reviewed? Not me. Nope. No sirree bob. Whoever bob is. Human resources came up with the these forms that are super general to fit every employee at the university, with categories such as work habits, initiative, self-improvement, leadership, planning and organizing, execution (wait - I must have missed this one, who do I get to execute? Can I choose?), decision making, quality of work, interpersonal communication, and blah, blah, blah - to which we must elaborate with examples. Then there are the open-ended questions, or the self-appraisal part of the evaluation.<br />
<br />
The reason I hate doing this isn't the same as most people, which is that it's a waste of time and who cares. Well, okay, I do think that a<span style="background-color: white;"> bit, but I'll</span> get to that. The main reason is I'm normally my harshest critic. I have a strong work ethic and believe things should be done right. I was hired to do something, I'm going to do it and I'm going to do it well. And, by the way, I expect the same of everyone else, which is apparently a huge flaw of mine. Anyway, I think I'm getting off topic. I hate doing these because even though I'm my hardest critic, if I'm thoughtful and answer these questions honestly, well, I look incredibly awesome. And that just makes me uncomfortable. Is that just stupid? Why on earth should I feel uncomfortable for doing my job well? I'm "tooting my own horn" but I feel like this is what I was hired to do so it's no big deal. So why should I have to fill out a review form showing that I "consistently perform beyond standards?"<br />
<br />
My boss loves me, I know it. I also know she's extremely happy with my work. But now we come to the who cares part. I also know the way the grant is and the way the University is right now. Though she loves me and what I do and my review says I'm fantastic, besides the regular cost-of-living the likelihood I can get a raise right now is very low. So I then it starts to creep in my mind, why do I work so hard to perform so well when financially it's not going to make a difference? What's the point? Why don't I just "meet standards?" But that road of thought can lead no where good. I don't think I have it in me to do that anyway. It's just not my personality. I remind myself that I'm not just working for financial reasons but that someday, an opportunity will open for me even though it may not be here now. Right now, I just have to focus on doing what I'm doing right now good.<br />
<br />
So - I hate performance reviews because they make me look awesome. But I don't like tooting my own horn when there is no reason too, and right now, there really isn't a reason too.<br />
<br />
Did I mention I hate performance reviews?Image Goddesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03034155463359046876noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8661361971307864034.post-4416690975904836002010-06-10T16:58:00.001-04:002010-06-10T16:59:07.431-04:00RedesigningExpect the look of my blog to change now and then. I haven't decided how I want it to look, but I'm bored with its old appearance. It's actually been distracting me from writing because when I come here to write I think "I need to redesign this" and spend all my time fiddling with it and never get to writing. Now, I will fiddle a little bit here and there, and start to get back in the habit of writing. Several tim<span style="background-color: white;">es <span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-image: none; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat;">Geeka</span> has </span>said "You need to blog this" so blog I will!!Image Goddesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03034155463359046876noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8661361971307864034.post-34942798591018269312010-03-06T18:54:00.000-05:002010-03-06T18:54:43.779-05:00BalanceI'm trying to find balance. I haven't been very good at that lately so I severely restricted non-work related computer use while I worked on other things. I think I'm ready to blog for myself again. My last few posts, also the first few posts of this blog, were rather intense and I had to step back and deal with things. "Get a grip." It wasn't really the way I wanted to start this blog. Change has come to my personal life, and for the better. I made a decisive decision and Fiance quit drinking. It hasn't been long, or easy. But he's trying, and that's all I ask. He's clear for the first time in years and he's saying things I've wanted to hear him say for years. It took a considerable amount of strength to do what he did and say the things he's been saying. I love him so much, I'm just so glad that he didn't give up on himself. And that it didn't happen too late.Image Goddesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03034155463359046876noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8661361971307864034.post-33328421126403475992010-01-04T15:53:00.000-05:002010-01-04T15:53:54.793-05:00HookieI didn't go to work today. I just didn't feel like dealing with people. Well, I guess that's not exactly true. I went in for 30 minutes to grab something to work on at home. Fiance took today off and drove me so I didn't have to stand in zero windchill weather. The way it is at work, if I show up for a least a few minutes, showing an effort, then I don't have to take a sick day. I'll be honest though, I did intend to do work but I couldn't focus. I ended up working on my blog pages and facebook. I'm so unproductive but I really need to be working. I have a year-end report due at the end of the week, half a book chapter due by Wednesday (well, actually today but moved it) for the other contributor to review before it has to be submitted Friday, another partial book chapter due Jan 15th, and a seminar series to organize which starts in 2 weeks. I'm so unmotivated right now. I'm also wasting time looking for a reliable used cheap vehicle and apartments. I can't afford a car but I have no choice if I'm moving. I haven't really figured that part out yet. Too much to think about.<br />
<br />
I need a vacation from my vacation. Between two flat tires and having to replace all four around Christmas, Fiance's stepdad passing away right before Christmas, the 4WD and ABS breaking on the way home from the funeral, dad getting pneumonia, mom getting a bad cold, and fiance problems I'm exhausted.<br />
<br />
For two days at least there was nothing that went wrong. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day went extremely well. Image Goddesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03034155463359046876noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8661361971307864034.post-76034110587180117202010-01-03T23:46:00.000-05:002010-01-03T23:46:54.145-05:00ChangeWell, as you can tell I haven't posted pictures. I'll catch up on Monday. I've been dealing with other things.<br />
<br />
My chest hurts, my stomach muscles hurt, I tried to eat but I felt nauseous. I look in the mirror and my eyes are bloodshot with bruises under them. It's all from crying so hard, and crying almost all night. I slept on the sofa last night. I couldn't bare to be in the same room with him. It hurt too much. My cats haven't left my side side for the past 24 hrs.<br />
<br />
It took only 3 days for him to break his promise. I can't handle these ups and downs anymore. I feel lost and broken. The decision I made kills me and tears me up inside. But I told him how it is and why it is. And my timeline for change. I made myself give a deadline this time. More for me than him. I've been with him for over 13 years. Almost half of my life. I feel like I'm losing my life right now but the way it is now, it's not healthy for either of us. Yes, the good times are getting more frequent than the bad - but the bad times are really bad.<br />
<br />
I'm just so torn up inside I don't have words. I'm not going to think about the deadline. Hopefully he'll get it together and I won't have to let him go. I know he loves me which makes this so much harder. We both have things to work on but we can't work on anything until he gets himself under control. Maybe it will be okay. Maybe my world won't be ripped away from me. I'm not going to think about the deadline - I can't handle it. What happens the next few months is up to him and I can't control it so I'm choosing not to think about it. I'll live my life everyday as if the deadline doesn't exist and we'll see what happens.<br />
<br />
I'm just so tired. And so incredibly sad. Love, no matter how strong, isn't always enough.Image Goddesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03034155463359046876noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8661361971307864034.post-16142744470307663392010-01-02T00:43:00.002-05:002010-01-02T00:51:56.384-05:00Project 365 (1)I read a few tweets today about a Project 365. I'd never heard of it before so I looked it up. Apparently, the idea is to post one picture everyday so at the end of the year you will have a record of pieces of your life in pictures. I like the idea, mainly because I love photography. It's a serious pastime of mine. I also like the modification <a href="http://sbcvandy.blogspot.com/2010/01/happy-new-year.html">Preppy Chemist</a> decided to use. Post a picture everyday, but it doesn't necessarily have to be from that day. Mainly, this takes pressure off of me if I get busy. I don't want to post a random picture just because I feel I have too. <br />
<br />
So here is my first picture. I know the date says January 2nd, but I haven't gone to bed yet, so technically for me it's still January 1st. It's not a beautiful picture, or even a good picture, but one I took with my BB on an experience today. D.H. my cat, stomped on my laptop to get my attention. In the process, he hit a magical combination of buttons that flipped the orientation of my laptop upside down. Only it wasn't just the screen that was reversed. Everything was, including typing and the way the mouse moved. I had to use another computer to google how to fix it because restarting didn't work. So this is what I was looking at this morning, wondering how on earth D.H. managed to do something I didn't even think was possible. Notice the Start bar is at the top of the screen, upside down.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrP61T3mfAtThpUewDHsmXDzTxIY5fAp6mzVVHDQvKH2i5Z7_l-VA5up34ZAyvnv_WNItKcQgntnl8ncs3-e4OGyBWGClub_8DM8xFmy70ZnAOSBR8Qz03raYupQ039v0EaKp7ZLEP3gw/s1600-h/2010-01-01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ps="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrP61T3mfAtThpUewDHsmXDzTxIY5fAp6mzVVHDQvKH2i5Z7_l-VA5up34ZAyvnv_WNItKcQgntnl8ncs3-e4OGyBWGClub_8DM8xFmy70ZnAOSBR8Qz03raYupQ039v0EaKp7ZLEP3gw/s320/2010-01-01.jpg" /></a><br />
</div>Image Goddesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03034155463359046876noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8661361971307864034.post-65516260485047960922010-01-01T13:28:00.000-05:002010-01-01T13:28:24.347-05:00Common Sense of a Woman ScientistThere is a short back story behind the title of this blog. As I've mentioned before, I work in academia. I'm not a post-doc, faculty, or student anymore. I don't want to call it administrative, but it's an odd, blended position given my background. A bit of research, teaching, and administration combined. I'm happy where I'm at but unclear about my future, which I'm okay with. <br />
<br />
One thing you need to know about me is that I've taken a non-traditional track. I worked years in a research laboratory setting and decided to step outside of the lab and move onto something else, but stay in academia. This was a foreign concept to all the faculty in my old department. They didn't know what to do with me. As a result, I've been blazing my own path. <br />
<br />
The people where I work now aren't sure how to handle me. I can't be categorized which I like. I have an odd position. I socialize with the faculty and the administrative personnel. As a result, I see things from everyone's perspective, and I often understand it. I get along with everyone. I'm the only administrator with PhD from a research laboratory setting. I'm defining my own role. <br />
<br />
It does have it's drawbacks however. I've learned that a lot of people (i.e. researchers and other academics) take themselves and their research too seriously. Many of you know what I mean. I may get along with them, but I have a different attitude than most of them. I also have a completely different background than the administrators. As a result, I don't always feel like I fit in anywhere. I like that I'm unique in my position, but it also sometimes leaves me feeling out-of-place. No one there can really relate to my situation.<br />
<br />
Luckily, there is one person there who I get along with very, very well. She has my attitude, even if she doesn't have my life experiences. I've been able to talk to her, and she understands my motivation. I'm looking for happiness in what I do and my life, not specific career goals. <br />
<br />
And finally I get to the title of my blog (I guess this wasn't a short story after all). She was in a meeting with some investigators and came into my office almost bursting. What she had to tell me doesn't really matter, it's what she started her conversation with "You are the weird exception. Most educated, smart academics have no common sense." She summed up my feelings quite nicely, so I chose to use this perspective as my title.<br />
<br />
Again - enjoy.<br />
<br />
Image GoddessImage Goddesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03034155463359046876noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8661361971307864034.post-5308630703799574262010-01-01T12:59:00.000-05:002010-01-01T12:59:42.295-05:00WelcomeWelcome to my blog. I was going to try and write a nice, articulate description of what this blog will be, when I realized I really can't. Because I don't know. Basically, I'm a woman in academia, recently graduated with my PhD. I've entered a new phase in my life, which I feel justifies a new blog. I don't feel the need to repeat myself, so you can find why I'm doing this in my old blog post "<a href="http://nonscientificobservations.blogspot.com/2010/01/time-for-change.html">Time for a Change</a>". And you can get a good understanding of where I'm coming from, the new stage of my life, from my old blog post "<a href="http://nonscientificobservations.blogspot.com/2009/02/i-am-free.html">I Am Free</a>".<br />
<br />
This is a place for me to talk not only about my experiences in academia but in life, now that I'm no longer a student. I've been in school my entire life, now I'm experiencing the world from a different perspective.<br />
<br />
If you stick around, I hope you enjoy my journey.<br />
<br />
Thanks - Image GoddessImage Goddesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03034155463359046876noreply@blogger.com0