Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Time for my performance review

I don't like performance reviews. Not at all. Who needs to be reviewed? Not me. Nope. No sirree bob. Whoever bob is.  Human resources came up with the these forms that are super general to fit every employee at the university, with categories such as work habits, initiative, self-improvement, leadership, planning and organizing, execution (wait - I must have missed this one, who do I get to execute? Can I choose?), decision making, quality of work, interpersonal communication, and blah, blah, blah - to which we must elaborate with examples.  Then there are the open-ended questions, or the self-appraisal part of the evaluation.

The reason I hate doing this isn't the same as most people, which is that it's a waste of time and who cares.  Well, okay, I do think that a bit, but I'll get to that.  The main reason is I'm normally my harshest critic. I have a strong work ethic and believe things should be done right.  I was hired to do something, I'm going to do it and I'm going to do it well.  And, by the way, I expect the same of everyone else, which is apparently a huge flaw of mine.  Anyway, I think I'm getting off topic.  I hate doing these because even though I'm my hardest critic, if I'm thoughtful and answer these questions honestly, well, I look incredibly awesome. And that just makes me uncomfortable.  Is that just stupid?  Why on earth should I feel uncomfortable for doing my job well?  I'm "tooting my own horn" but I feel like this is what I was hired to do so it's no big deal. So why should I have to fill out a review form showing that I "consistently perform beyond standards?"

My boss loves me, I know it. I also know she's extremely happy with my work.  But now we come to the who cares part. I also know the way the grant is and the way the University is right now. Though she loves me and what I do and my review says I'm fantastic, besides the regular cost-of-living the likelihood I can get a raise right now is very low.  So I then it starts to creep in my mind, why do I work so hard to perform so well when financially it's not going to make a difference?  What's the point?  Why don't I just "meet standards?"  But that road of thought can lead no where good.  I don't think I have it in me to do that anyway.  It's just not my personality. I remind myself that I'm not just working for financial reasons but that someday, an opportunity will open for me even though it may not be here now.  Right now, I just have to focus on doing what I'm doing right now good.

So - I hate performance reviews because they make me look awesome. But I don't like tooting my own horn when there is no reason too, and right now, there really isn't a reason too.

Did I mention I hate performance reviews?